What I've Learned About "Healthy Living"

There are a lot of myths out there in the fitness world. 

Trust me, I've done extensive research, and not everything I've found has proven to be true.

That being said, I should probably note that I am not a health and fitness expert, nor am I a trained professional. You should always, always, always consult your doctor before changing up your diet - don't ever consult the Internet. It doesn't have your medical records.

TOL #17 ~ Beethoven and Ballet

Once again, after a long break, I am linking up for Thinking Out Loud Thursday with Amanda! 

[get more info here!]

How It Feels to Gain Life Back

I have experienced somewhat of an epiphany. And I'm going to share it with you. 

I've only spoken very lightly on my past struggle with an eating disorder and related anxiety. I spent a solid four and a half years constantly struggling with negative body image and dysmorphia, thoughts of purging and self-harming, restriction, obsession with losing weight and exercising; the list goes on. 

I went through therapy for four months - something I never thought I would do. I lost so much weight, including muscle mass, it was hard for me to do anything for long periods of time. I was constantly freezing. My lips were blue, even in the summertime. I wore a sweatshirt everywhere I went, and I had trouble getting to sleep at night. 

Living every day of my life that way, constantly tormented by an inner voice that nagged at me, telling me lies about myself and urging me to continue down the path I was going. The path that could very well have brought me to my death. The path I have no intention of ever looking back on again.

"Thankful" = "Happy"?

Hello again, old friend. It seems my little break turned into a 50-day complete absence.

I hadn't exactly intended for that to happen.

Seeing as it's Thanksgiving Day, I thought it fitting to return to my beloved blog and start plunking away at the keys once again. I'm actually getting a little nostalgic just now. :')

I took a fabulous idea from the lovely Carrie over at All I Know Now and decided to write out a page full of things that make me happy. Little things, like toe pads (which you will see on my humble list below), and somewhat larger things like electricity and Internet connection. 

Really, I would be very, very limited without Internet. I couldn't even do my schoolwork!

...Then again, maybe no Internet wouldn't be such a horrendous thing... ;)

Mini-Vacation Recap

My grandma came to stay for nine days last week. Her sister lives in Archibold, Ohio, home of the Sauder Village (more info on that here, if you're interested). Since my dad had that week off from work, we decided to take advantage of driving two-and-a-half hours to drop my grandma off at her sister's, and we went on a two-day "vacation" that went something like this:

Tuesday

I had originally planned on getting up at 6:15 to work on some schoolwork so that I wouldn't fall behind while we were away. Instead, I slept an extra 30 minutes because I just couldn't bring myself to so much as sit up at such an ungodly hour.
I did get a bit of schoolwork done, regardless, and even got a half-hour walk in on the beast of death treadmill. I finished packing, took the fastest shower in history (my history, at least) and ate some breakfast before starting the journey to Archibold.

Food Anxiety + My Struggle

I'm going to jump right to the point. No fancy intro, no pretty pictures, no fantastic words or elaborately thought-out scripting. Just me and my thoughts (and a few of my opinions)...

I have had serious problems with food - rather, my relationship with food - for a long time. To give you a little background; I grew faster in height and width than anyone else I knew. Being home-schooled and going to a really small church, I had two best friends who, coming from a different family with different genetics than mine, were significantly smaller than I was. I compared myself to them more often the older I got, until I was full-on bashing myself every time I saw them. I took a ballet class, and I wore a leotard, tights, and ballet skirt like all the other girls, but I felt like a whale in comparison to everyone else. I compared myself to other girls, not noting how skilled I was or how hard I worked. All that mattered to me at that age was all that mattered to me say, six months ago - and still does sometimes.

Thinking Out Loud #16

Happy Thursday! :D

[more info here]

I'm getting less and less creative with my introductions...Ain't nobody got time fo dat.  ;)

Thinking Out Loud #15

Wow. I've only done 15 of these since I first started? 

Slackerrrrrrrrrr

[more info here!]

Thinking Out Loud #14

Happy Thursday! :)

[more info here]

Venting ~ Thinking Out Loud #13

Happy Thursday!

[more info here]

I'm fairly sure that every TOL post I've ever written has had something to do with school.

I would like to apologize - yes, I am a professional complainer (if only that was a paying occupation...) and over the years I have become somewhat of a pessimist. I am working on it, I really am, but sometimes - such as on this blog - I have to be honest and vent a bit. And when I say "a bit" I mean pour out all my heart and soul in a few paragraphs. 

New Discoveries ~ Thinking Out Loud #12

First and foremost, Amanda, I am so sorry for not linking up yet again. I promise I still love you. <3 ? 

I have a reason for going MIA! I was actually lying in bed at 11 o'clock last Thursday night, when I remembered "I never published my TOL post! Dang it dang it dang it dang it dang it dang it dang. it."
And that was that. I didn't get around to posting anything, and aside from sharing some of my favorites, I didn't post at all between then and now.
The Worst Ever Blogger Award goes to yours truly! :'''''D (*sobbing*)

[more info here!]

 Fun fact: it has taken me 3+ months to memorize the URL for the ToL page...I'm not quite sure why I have it memorized, but now I do. Hooray for me...?

On to the good stuff:

The Me I'll Never Be

When I was little, I thought of the 16-year-old Janessa as someone extravagant; some flawless, cover model quality Barbie with long, thick hair, a slim waist, incredibly long legs, and a perfect smile. I imagined myself confident, popular, and burdened with having far too many boys my age practically drooling over me.

Now I'm at that age, and I can attest to the unrealistic fantasy that was my under-ten-year-old mind. I have neither a mob of guys falling at my feet, nor incredibly long legs. If anything, I am average-sized and totally single. Both of which I have learned to accept.

Epic Food Survey Part II

I forgot to write up a Thinking out Loud post this week... Sad day. 

Buuuuut thanks to Amanda's food survey, I don't have to miss out on all the fun! This will be a little 'replacement' in the meantime. Next week I'll be back on my regular schedule for sure.

Maybe. o.O

EPIC FOOD SURVEY

{PART 2}

[part 1 here]

Dairy

I.  Do you prefer white or chocolate milk? 

I'm not much of a milk fan, but I can tolerate it if it's in cocoa form. Chocolate, all the way.

II.  What's your favorite brand of yogurt?

I don't eat yogurt all that often either, but my mom buys the huge containers of low-fat vanilla Yoplait, and if I'm feelin' it, that's what I go for.

III.  Do you think you get enough calcium?

Probably not. Which is bad because I have low tolerance for pain so if my bones decide to break on me, I will probably die shortly after from shock alone. O.O

IV.  Where do you get most of your calcium from?

Cottage cheese.

V.  What's your favorite type of cheese?

Cottage.

VI.  What's your favorite way to eat cheese?

Low-fat, small curd, cottage form.

VII.  What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Vanilla with peanut butter stirred in, and chocolate chip cookie dough.

VIII.  When you make oatmeal, do you make it with milk or water?

Water.

IX.  What kind of milk do you drink?

Vanilla soy, and vanilla almond if I'm lucky enough to find it on sale!

X.  What's your favorite thing to do with cottage cheese?

Eat it; literally, I don't need to put anything in it. Alternatively, I can put it on top of or in anything - my list is long.

Meat

I.  Are you vegetarian or vegan?

In this stage of life, I am neither.

II.  If you aren't vegetarian or vegan, could you ever be?

Absolutely. I wrote up a long post ages ago about veganism and how I support it but I'm not about the animal rights movement. 

[if you decide to follow the link, be forewarned there is one photo near the end that is extremely graphic and cannot be unseen].

III.  What's your favorite type of meat?

I'm not a fan of red meat, and I've eaten enough chicken and turkey to last three lifetimes, but I suppose, depending on its form, if chicken is the only option I will take it.

IV.  What's your favorite type of fish or seafood?

I haven't had a lot of experience with sushi (read: one experience) but the one time I tried it, I was hooked. If it's good, quality sushi, it holds the key to my heart taste pallet. 

Tuna is another good one.

V.  Hamburgers or hotdogs?

Hamburgers. As I said before, I'm not a huge fan, but I cannot eat hotdogs. They make me feel icky. 

VI.  If you have a barbecue [grill] is it propane-powered or charcoal?

I don't have one, but my dad is on his second propane after the charcoal and the first propane stopped working. Funny story: dad doesn't get ties and shoes for Father's Day, he gets tool chests and recliners and grills. We spoil him well. ;)

VII.  What is your least favorite type of meat?

Pig meat; ham, bacon [so sorry, America!], pork, etc. I can't take it. I can't.

VIII.  Is there a type of meat you haven't tried yet but would like to?

I would really like to try lobster, crab, and more exotic meats like alligator and *I'm drawing a blank here*...think of the craziest animal on the planet...platypus! I wonder if anyone's ever tried that. 

IX.  What's the most exotic meat you've ever eaten?

I had calamari at Olive Garden once... 

X.  When you eat meat, is the portion bigger than a deck of cards?

Not usually, no. 

Drinks

I.  What do you put in your coffee?

Jeeze, I put a lot of different things in. Sometimes, if I'm feeling basic, I'll put a little creamer and some sweetener in, but if I'm feeling more "adventurous" I'll put in some cocoa mix, some cappuccino (go figure), or maybe some protein powder. I like to experiment sometimes. Don't knock it til you've tried it.

II.  What do you put in your tea?

If I have to drink tea: lots of sweetener. I used to be obsessed with tea, but now I can hardly stand it, in any form. 

III.  Do you like the taste of water? 

Yes yes yes. Water is my favorite (besides coffee, obviously).

IV.  Do you drink water every day?

Probably way more than I should. I carry around a 24 oz. water bottle and refill it 3-4 times a day; and that's not counting the sparkling water I drink on occasion!

V.  What's your favorite flavor of diet soda?

The kind I don't drink

VI.  Do you think you drink too much diet soda?

If never is too much, then yeah. 

VII.  Do you prefer to eat or drink your calories?

I dunno, cappuccino is really good...but so is peanut butter so you've kind of caught me in a tough spot here. I like both a lot!

VIII.  Do you drink energy drinks?

Not unless coffee counts. ;)

IX.  What's your favorite smoothie recipe?

I'm not very adventurous with smoothies (partly because my little single-serving blender broke *sad face*), but I like peanut butter, banana, almond milk, and chocolate smoothies a lot. I think that might actually count as a milkshake w/o ice cream, actually.

X.  Do you flavor your water?

Sometimes, if I have flavoring packets on hand. I've tried infusing it but my favorite is the ready-flavored Sparkling Ice bottles. Lemonade is my fave. <3

Treats

I.  How often do you eat something unhealthy?

If by "unhealthy" you mean "gloriously balanced between sweet and somewhat healthy, because food is food and as long as you don't go overboard it's all good" the answer is: every day, sometimes more than once! 

II.  Do you prefer a sweet or salty treat?

Sweet. Unless of course I'm craving something salty; in which case, chocolate does not do.

III.  What's your favorite salty treat?

It honestly depends on what I'm craving. Sometimes pretzels, sometimes peanuts, sometimes popcorn.

IV.  What's your favorite sweet treat?

See above answer.^^

V.  What's your favorite brand of chocolate bar?

I don't usually buy chocolate in bar form, so I'm gonna go with what I know from experience and say Hershey's.

VI.  When was the last time you went out to eat?

Tuesday, but...

VII.  What did you order?

...I didn't order anything because I wasn't feeling 100% so I had a bottle of water and a Larabar I had stashed in my bad for who knows how long.

VIII.  Do you tend to binge on unhealthy foods around your house?

Again with the "unhealthy" wording...

Yes. I do. When I say binge I mean eat without really thinking about it because the food is tasty. I'm getting better though! 

IX.  Chips or popcorn?

Popcorn, always popcorn!

X.  What's your favorite flavor/brand of chips?

I don't hardly ever eat chips, so I really don't have a favorite. I used to love sour cream & onion and barbecue Pringles.

There you have it: the second and final part of the food survey!

Thanks to Amanda for writing it up. Join in if you're feelin' it! :)

~JK

Thinking Out Loud #11

Happy Thursday!  :D

I.  I received an 83.7% on my final English I exam, which I was kind of surprised about. My final score for the entire course was 91.98 - ssssooo close to a 92. >.<
My final exam for Geography is now open for me to take, but I have a mini-essay to finish before I take it. Personal preference and all; I don't like completing a unit without having ALL the projects done. 

II.  Sad news aside: my Penny skateboard came in the mail last week [!!!!] Meet "Kamikaze":

I had the chance to ride it at the airport in town, on the bike path where the terrain is mostly smooth. I managed to fall off once, trying to accelerate a bit too abruptly.
Remember, kids, if you start losing your balance, do not lean backward. Kamikaze shot out from underneath me and proceeded to roll away as I plummeted to the ground. I was wearing long jeans, so I was left with nothing more than a nice bluish-green bruise and a patch of missing skin. The bruise is still there. Yippee. 

III.  My little brother has been learning how to ride his skateboard as well. Only, he weighs less than a grasshopper and can barely keep the thing moving. He wiped out on his first day too, and claims he needs knee pads and elbow pads and "all that stuff."
I told him to suck it up. A great big sister, I am. 

IV.  I finished painting my bedroom! The lime green is gone...

oi...

...and is now replaced with pale blue on two walls...

my little windowside workspace

...and cream/nude/tan on the other two walls.

a quote by John Muir

I moved all of my furniture (except for the closet doors) and primed and painted everything all on my own. If that's nothing to be proud about, I give up. I think I deserve a personal pat on the back for pulling and shoving my giant loft bed - as well as a full desk - from one end of the room to the other. *discreetly flexes biceps*

V.  The county fair was a little disappointing this year. Or, should I say, my visit to the county fair was a little disappointing.
I planned to meet up with my friend (who was crowned Jr. Leader Ambassador!) but she had to help judge a cow/pig/goat show; we only got 15 minutes together and afterward got less than half an hour to walk around and observe two of the many buildings that held the attractions and such before she had to get ready for the horse show.
We got free popcorn, which was nice, but overall I was upset that I didn't get to spend more time with her.

VI.  ...But, Kaylee and Kennedi's fair was incredible! Theirs was about four times larger than mine, and there were more rides to go on and attractions to marvel over. Also, I guess there were some South African guys working the rides. If that's not super cool I don't know what is!

[source]

I almost fell off the 'ring of fire' because there were no shoulder-holders, just the kind that latches over your lap.
Imagine: feeling yourself gradually slide backward off the seat, as you're hurled upside down, however many feet in the air, with just one bar across your thighs keeping you alive. That was arguably the scariest experience of my life.

VII.  I have Pinterest now. Follow me if ya like; if ya don't like, then, well, I understand. I suppose.
Now I can pin [er, re-pin?] all the other bloggers' stuff! :D

TRUTH.

VIII.  I completed the 1,000 squat challenge by Blogilates[!!!]  If you complete it, let me know! I spent all day yesterday gloating about it because I was so proud of myself. Frankly, I still am but I won't go so far as to brag any more than I already have. Just try it. It'll hurt so badly the day after, trust me.

IX.  Speaking of physical exertion and such, dance sign-ups are coming up on the 13th! So pumped for this next dance year. I mentioned awhile back that I was working towards getting moved up into the Advanced Ballet class.
I'm still waiting for results (they're posted in the studio as we speak I type!). I've been back and forth all summer; being super confident that I'll be selected, then the next moment being incredibly discouraged. Either way, another year of ballet is coming soon!  :D

X.  I am still mildly in love with coffee. Put it this way: if I never land myself a man to call my soul mate, coffee can totally take his place. [not really. I need the lovin']
Jokes aside, I have been experimenting with different flavors and add-ins, my favorite combo being: just under 8 oz. medium brew coffee + about 2 Tablespoons no-sugar-added cocoa mix + a heaping spoonful of caramel cappuccino + 4 oz. hot water.
Another favorite that doesn't involve coffee, but coffee creamer: 1 packet chocolate Carnation Breakfast Essentials (the kind with no added sugar) + a little over 1 Tablespoon peppermint mocha creamer + 8 oz. hot water. I need to try adding some coffee to this one, to make it even more delightful.

As for now, I have a Geography essay to finish and an Algebra quiz to take. I'm truckin' right along...

Join the linkup!

~JK

Back Into the Swing of Things + Epic Food Survey Part I

Ahoy! I have returned fer me...er...me booty?

I haven't really returned for anything in particular. Except maybe a 'where have you been, ya slacker?!'

Actually I wasn't expecting any of that. I haven't been gone that long. Have I?

I was MIA for a time (12 days, to be precise) because - in short - I've had a lot going on. 

In a bit more detail: I had summer camp from the 7th to the 12th, and not long after I had a funeral to attend for my great-aunt. In all the hubbub, blogging wasn't the first thing on my list of priorities. 

In addition, I had some schoolwork to catch up on; and my mom had knee surgery so I've been spending a lot of my time planning meals and searching for more exciting lunches and dinners (toasted cheese gets boring real fast). When I haven't been doing school or playing chef for my family, I've been watching Regular Show and Pokemon - both of which are on Netflix. Praaaaaise. 

In other news, Amanda has put together a food survey that I am more than happy to join in on. I think it's about time I got back into the swing of things here...

EPIC FOOD SURVEY

{pt. I}

Grains

I.  Flavor-wise, do you prefer white or whole wheat breads?
Wheat, if it's in loaf form. White, if it's in biscuit form.

II.  What's your favorite type of grain to eat (oatmeal, bread, wraps, etc.)?
Oatmeal; although I ate waaaay too much over the last few years, so I only have it about once a month now. Dry cereal has kind of become my thing nowadays.

III.  What's your favorite sandwich filling?
Peanut butter, banana, cinnamon, and honey. <3 <3 <3

IV.  What's your favorite type of bread?
Banana. No question about it!

V.  How many servings of grain do you consume daily?
Probably way too many. Grains make up most of my diet, along with nut butters and cottage cheese.

VI.  What's your favorite cracker topping?
Hummus. Usually I eat hummus with carrots and broccoli, but it's delicious with crackers as well.

VII.  What's your favorite thing to do with rice?
Put it into a stir-fry. Then eat it. 

VIII.  What brand of bread do you usually buy?
My mom buys grain from an Amish bulk store, grinds it with her Nutrimill beast contraption, and bakes most of our bread. So much better than store-bought.

IX.  What's your favorite type of cereal?
Ack. Can I only choose one?... Mother's Peanut Butter Bumpers. My brothers ate the last of it the last time I bought some!  >.<

X.  What was your favorite type of breakfast cereal as a child?
REESE'S PUFFS. There was a time when Cocoa Pebbles were really high on my favorites list as well.
Ahh, I miss those carefree days sometimes. 

Fruits

I.  Favorite fruit?
Despite the fact that the above photo is of an apple, my favorite fruits are bananas and blueberries. Blueberries are just so dang expensive, I can't buy pounds and pounds of them like I can with bananas...

II.  Least favorite fruit?
Dragon fruit. It has no taste - or at least, the one I tried didn't. It just tasted like water!
They look really cool though...

[source]

III.  Do you drink fruit juice often?
No. I used to on occasion as a kid, but I guess it always gave me 'the runs' so I steer clear of it to this day.

IV.  Do you consider tomatoes a fruit or a vegetable?
Vegetable. They will never be a fruit in my eyes.

V.  Do you think you eat enough fruit daily?
Oh yeah, for sure! I basically live off fruit. And nut butter. And cottage cheese...

VI.  Do you consider fruit more important than vegetables?
No, but I do consider them tastier.

VII.  What's your favorite citrus fruit?
Grapefruit.

VIII.  Do you like pastries with fruit in them?
I'm not a huge fan of pastries in general (they don't fill me up; and even the little ones have so much sugar stuffed into them!) but I used to be a major fan of apple turnovers. Sheesh those are good.

IX.  What's your favorite flavor of jam?
Blueberry; especially when we pick 23194 blueberries and Mom makes the jam herself.

X.  When do you usually eat the most fruit?
When I'm awake. ;)

Veg

I.  When you were a kid, did you like vegetables?
Not hardly. Unless they were canned or cooked to mush; I was very persnickety about them. Funny story: I loved Ranch dressing, and I remember one day I put together a big salad with oodles of Ranch slathered on top. I couldn't eat the lettuce, but I licked off the dressing.
I was a strange one, I admit.

II.  do you think you eat enough vegetables now?
It really depends on the day. Sometimes, no - other times, no question about it. If I have hummus on hand, I definitely eat enough carrots.

III.  What's your favorite raw vegetable?
Have I mentioned carrots yet?

IV.  What's your favorite cooked vegetable?
I really liked steamed-anything. Broccoli, green beans, corn, peas, etc. They're all good - except peppers. 

V.  What's your least favorite raw vegetable? 
Tomatoes (although science calls them a fruit, they are a veggie to me!) 

VI.  What's your least favorite cooked vegetable?
Peppers. I don't like them raw either, unless they're blended into salsa. 

VII.  What's your favorite kind of salad?
The kind with so many toppings you can't taste the greens.
But really, strawberry salad is pretty good, I think. Who knew strawberries + spinach went so well together??

VIII.  Do you buy spaghetti sauce, or do you make your own?
Buy it. It takes far, far too long to make it and it's almost not worth the effort. 

IX.  When you order a sub at Subway, what vegetables do you get on it?
Spinach, lettuce, & pickles. Done.

X.  Do you like vegetables more than fruit?
No. In no way will veg ever surpass fruit in my book.

Nuts

I.  What's your favorite type of nut?
Pureed and plopped into a jar.

Also, I really like oven-roasted almonds. Cashews are pretty good, too.

II.  What's your least favorite type of nut?
I'm not a fan of Brazil nuts. I used to love them, but they taste too buttery to me for some reason.

III.  What's your favorite type of nut butter?
Either Earth Balance Coconut Peanut Spread, or Peanut Butter & Co. Dark Chocolate Dreams.

IV.  Are you good with portion control when it comes to nuts or nut-butters?
Not with nut butters. Ooooooh no.

V.  What's your favorite recipe that involves nuts or nut butters?
Banana bread, topped with peanut butter. :D

VI.  Have you ever tried pea-butter or soynut butter?
Pea-butter sounds horrendous, and soynut butter sounds pretty good, but I can't say I ever have tried it.

VII.  When was the last time you ate nuts?
This morning, whilst licking the spatula I used to transfer homemade peanut butter from the food processor to the peanut butter jar.

VIII.  Is anybody close to you allergic to nuts?
If they are, I am unaware.

IX.  What's your favorite way to use nut butters? 
Top it on something, or eat it straight from the jar. 

X.  Do you think nuts are worth the calories?
Heck yes! Forever and always! Unless you have an allergy, in which case; no, don't risk your life.

~JK

The "Healthy" Joke, and Why I Don't Use it

At some point in your life, you've probably heard someone remark over something unhealthy by saying "oh, how healthy this is..." or "I'll have to take a nice, long run after this!" I refer to this as 'the healthy joke', i.e. one of the most annoying things anyone could say to me. 

Now, if I was a hardcore athlete or personal trainer, I would appreciate strict accountability. I am not a person who is known for persistence and self-control when it comes to regular exercise and healthy eating; but I'm not training for the Olympics. I'm a 16-year-old Average Jane, and I eat what makes my body feel good. If I'm craving some chocolate, I'm gonna eat some chocolate! But I know what things make me feel not so good, so I steer clear of those things; if I choose to eat a box of fries or a vanilla cone, it's my body and I'll pay the consequences later, but I'm going to enjoy that soft serve while it lasts!

The big question here is: why do people judge themselves based upon how healthy or unhealthy the food is that they're eating? Better yet: why do people feel the need to point out what other people are eating? First of all, you are not defined by what you eat. If you want to go out for lunch with a friend and she orders a salad, you are not "required" to order a salad yourself; if you want a Big Mac, get a Big Mac and enjoy that sucker! Secondly, you shouldn't feel inclined to take control of what someone else has on their plate (unless it's your child, in which case you are the parent and I completely respect that).

I don't think it's wrong to approach someone you're very close to (say, a parent or a sibling) if you feel their eating habits are out of control, but even then, you shouldn't blatantly point out that what they're eating is bad for them. That isn't going to do anything for them.

When we constantly bash ourselves in the presence of other people, we make those other people feel lesser of themselves. You can say "I feel so fat...but you look great!" to someone who's 20 pounds heavier than you, and you'd better believe they aren't going to think "wow, I do look great!" they're going to think "wow, if she thinks she's fat, what does that make me?"

It's the same thing with food. If you bash yourself over how much you're eating or what kind of food you're eating, the person sitting next to you with an extra drizzle of Ranch dressing very well may go home and start weighing out all of the things she now feels is wrong about her.

That being said, you shouldn't bash yourself even when you're not in the presence of others. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you are not defined by what you eat. 

You and only you can determine what is best for your body. You can psych yourself into thinking that cheeseburgers and frosties make you feel good, but in the long run, you're only being fulfilled mentally. I love frappuccinos and french fries and pizza, all of which make me feel happy while I'm consuming them, but I don't feel so great afterward, which is why I don't eat them every day. When I do, I don't sit down and think "oh crap what am I putting into my body?" "This is going to make me so sick." "I have a five-mile run on my agenda now..." 

Truth be told, I used to think those things. I used to beat myself up for every little "bad" thing I ate. I used to want to throw up every time I smelled fast food. Now, after far too many years of self-destruction and negative self-talk, I have learned that my worth is not defined by the quality of the food I put into my body. 

I have become happier than I have been in years, just by letting myself be free of the negativity that plagued my mind for so long. 

Yes, I have more "soft spots" on my body now that I have stopped being so strict on myself. No, I don't limit myself to low-carb, low-cal, low-fat foods. 

Those foods never made me happy. That life never made me happy. If salads with no dressing, raw vegetables with no salt, and glass after glass of nothing but pure, double-filtered water makes you happy, then by all means, go for it! But for me, it was only when I stopped depriving myself of what brought me joy that I really began to eat the way I should.

I don't have a perfectly "clean" diet, but I have a much cleaner mind. By being happy, and by not stressing over what I eat, my body has learned what it needs to do. If I go out for a Starbucks and I want a mocha cookie crumble, it's going in my belly. It makes me happier than choking down unsweetened tea; and you know what? I'm fine with that.

My only request is that you stop bashing yourself, and stop bashing other people. If you're having ice cream night at youth group, don't sit down with your friends and whisper jokingly "how healthy are we?", just eat your fricking ice cream and enjoy it. We weren't created to stress out over food - eat what makes your body feel good, and don't neglect what makes your mind feel good too. 

~JK

Thinking Out Loud #10

Quick explanation: I missed the linkup last week because I went to church camp for 5 days.

Yes, it was fun. No, I'm not sorry. Yes, I really mean that. ;)

[check it out!]

I.  I feel obliged to say something about my camp experience this year, but it would take far too long to cover everything in one little thought box... The biggest news would probably be that I met another girl named Janessa. Yes, it is real. There are others.  O.O

II.  I also learned at camp that one can draw on oneself with a Sharpie, rub baby powder over the drawing, and hairspray over the baby powder to form a temporary tattoo that [allegedly] lasts for a month. 

Lies. All lies. Mine only lasted for two days!

III.  As well as drawing tattoos, the artist in me was compelled to also repaint my bedroom from a bright, lime green to a pale blue with nude accent walls. It's nowhere near done yet, especially because I had to buy another can of primer. Bright green does not cover easily. :p

IV.  Because I'm changing the colors, I thought "why not change the whole room?" so I've been looking at DIY room decor projects.
I like this one from Pocketful of Pretty, particularly the wall canvas. Also, I got this idea from Pinterest:

I may have to try this one out someday.

V.  Speaking of books...I have been deprived for over two weeks now! I haven't picked up a book in so long, I fear I may be morphing back into who I once was; a lazy lowlife with no care or interest in the greatness of other worlds, the feel of paper on paper on paper, the smell of old hardcovers and the joy of living multiple lives! I need a trip to the library, ASAP. 

VI.  And while we're on the topic of insanity, is it wrong that I think I may be addicted to banana bread? I've mentioned before my emotional need to have this particular baked good present in my home at all times; but the more I make it the more attached I become. I feel an actual need to have it every day, at least once. I mean come on, it could be something semi-normal, like the need for water or the need for chocolate (we'll tough on that in a sec...), but of all things, it is banana bread. 

VII.  ...And chocolate. A much more standard addiction. I do believe I am becoming a chocoholic. Hoorah; one more thing to add to my list of obsessions. 

VIII.  I'm also mildly obsessed with a girl named Dodie Clark...she's a British YouTube video-blog-maker and ukulele-playing-songwriting-glorously-magical little fairy-like individual. She is absolutely adorable and you must check out her videos. She inspires me to learn the ukulele that I've had hiding away in my closet for a year and a half now. 

IX.  Because of all the YouTube-watching I have been doing lately, my sleep pattern has been way off and I'm finding it to be increasingly difficult to get up in the mornings. There is nothing worse than waking up prematurely to my alarm (even though it is Good Morning Sunshine).

X.  And as far as workouts go, I have been skimping for a while - but I am now back on track doing pilates and yoga 5-6 days a week, as well as some random cardio and ballet stretching when I happen to think about it. I've been feeling really motivated lately, so we'll see how long I can keep this up!

Join the linkup!

~JK

Like a Home-Schooler

If you've lived longer than half a year, you may have heard some stereotypes about the "average home-schooled kid." I am one of these, and I am going to enlighten you on what things we (I) do and don't do...

[source: Tumblr]

To be like a home-schooler, you must...

Wear hand-me-downs...

Look, the only reason I buy from Goodwill is because it takes me ten minutes to get to the thrift store, as opposed to an hour and a half to get to a Forever 21. If you search long and hard enough, you'll find some decent stuff. 

I did wear hand-me-downs when I was younger, but I even knew public-schoolers who did that.

Speak intelligibly...

I would be lying terribly if I said I never used text-talk. Unfortunately, Facebook allows you to read over your old messages...dear lord, I was a cripplingly embarrassing child.

Also, I do not sit and read Shakespeare in my free time. I use an online thesaurus to find large words for essays and research reports; I have no idea what the meanings of most words in the dictionary are.

Be fully devoted to your schoolwork...

This one in partially true. I spend a lot of time doing my schoolwork, but that isn't because my parents glare ominously at me until I'm finished. I spend more time reading Tweets and watching YouTube vlogs throughout the day than I spend on school.

Have an unrealistic curfew...

I don't even have a curfew.

Honestly, my parents haven't ever given me a set time that I need to be home from a friend's house or from going out to dinner. I'm not exactly known for being rebellious, which plays a part in the looseness of the rules.

Play vintage board games...

I admit, growing up, we had a lot of board games. Now we have about four and we never play them. The closest we get to a 'family game night' is playing a round of Go Fish before forfeiting because we bore each other to death.

Go to church every day...

I go to church once a week; twice a week, maximum. I'm not uber-religious. I won't condemn you for being homosexual or pregnant before marriage. I love God, and I recognize that loving Him means loving others, not just spending hours upon hours in a building listening to a bald guy preach. 

(side note: our pastor is actually bald, I wasn't just saying that...)

Eat 100% healthy...

Please. If this was an actual 'rule,' I would never have been 150 pounds at 12 years old. Lots of home-schooled families eat healthily and hardly ever get fast food or frozen pizzas, but I cannot go a day without treating myself to something sweet. I eat bread like nothing else. I live on cappuccinos and sweet tea. I am not, nor will I ever be, a health freak.

Live at your grandma's house...

I have only spent a maximum of two days at my grandma's house. That's due to a mild case of separation anxiety that I have had since forever; and we live four hours away, so there's that road block...

Have no social life...

The thing is: home-schoolers have to actively seek out social opportunities. Public-schoolers are immediately thrust into social opportunities multiple times a day; there's very little effort there. If you see a home-schooler engaging in comfortable conversation with at least one other person, you can accurately assume that they were making an effort. That says more than two public-schoolers chatting over pot.  

Have designated TV/computer time...

When I was younger, this was a thing. Now, I spend so much time on the Internet it's literally like a second home. 

Which is not good for anyone; do not follow my example!

Get no less than a B+...

I have a C average in Algebra, and all of my other subjects are a B or higher; again, my success is not because of my parents' pressure, it's because of my own effort. I take notes, I [try to] focus and concentrate on each lesson; not because my parents have threatened to kick me out of the house, but because I genuinely want to succeed academically. 

Go to a Christian college...

This is a possibility, but it isn't a requirement. If I was accepted into a non-Christian college, my parents would still support me. Other families have other expectations, but for me it isn't even mandatory that I go to college in the first place. 

Ride a bike instead of a car...

Lols. 

I have previously considered riding my bike everywhere, but let's be honest: me + a bike on the freeway = certain and undeniable disaster. 

Also me + a car on the freeway = equally certain disaster, but I'm working on it.

Have an immediate family consisting of no less than six children...

I suffer with three siblings. I could never in my life ever handle more. Two of my best friends come from a family of ten kids, and I know another family with eleven, but just because they are (read: were) home-schooled isn't the sole reason for a large family. At least, I'm fairly certain it's not...

Join 12 different 4-H clubs...

I barely survived two.

Actually participate in 4-H...

One year was one too many for me. I sucked, end of story.
Most of my home-schooled friends participate in 4-H, but the amount of public-schoolers who do as well significantly outweighs the others. 

Memorize the anthem of all seven continents...

I barely have the national anthem memorized, let alone any others! I don't know anyone who knows the anthem of another country, public- or home-schooled!

Participate in a Bible study led by your parents...

Bible study, yes. Parents...no. We used to have home groups for church, and whenever my parents led, it was arguably the most awkward situation of my life.

Never wear pants shorter than above the knee...

Remember when I said I bought high-waisted shorts? Those aren't called shorts for nothing...

Never wear a bikini...

Personally, I'm not comfortable in a bikini; I do, however, wear one for tanning in the comforts of my own backyard where no one can see me. I won't lay out if the neighbors are out, but that's only because of my low self-esteem. If I was more comfortable in my own skin, I would most probably be one of those girls flaunting themselves wherever they go. 

Maybe not that severely, but...still.

Sew your name into your underwear...

I saw that on an iCarly episode when I was 12-ish. Before then, I had never heard of such a thing. 

Learn how to shoot a rifle (in case the dinosaurs make a grand reappearance)...

My dad would vouch for this (except the dinosaurs part). He could tell you anything and everything about handguns and rifles and such machinery, and the only reason I have agreed to learn is because I have been scared into paranoia of someone, someday breaking into my home. I would rather use bear spray, but should the situation arise, I do have knowledge enough to defend myself.

Be incredibly organized...

I am an organized person, but I don't credit that to the home-schooling. I have met so many incredibly unorganized home-schoolers, you can't really believe we're all spic and span.

Be disciplined until your butt is calloused...
This is true for many people. Especially my brothers. I, on the other hand, was one of those little girls that every parent would kill for (not to brag or anything); I always wanted to please my parents and would openly weep if I knew I had made them upset with me. I could never tell a lie and I pretty much never got spanked. 

Be a perfect poster child in every way...
Now c'mon, despite what I said just now, there is no way that anyone on this earth could ever be a perfect poster child. You have no idea how needy (read: 'wanty') I am! I could give you a nice long, detailed list of all the reasons why I am not a perfect daughter. I'm more like Ariel, the independent rebel. More or less.

Only host a birthday party for your first, tenth, and sixteenth birthday...
This rule only came about when my younger siblings came around. After they were adopted, my parents realized that they would never be able to cope with four birthday parties every year until their children reached adulthood, so they formulated the "rule," which has since been broken, that my brothers and sister and I are only allowed four birthday parties a year. I'm certain this rule wouldn't change even if we were public-schooled.

(Girls) never cut your hair...
The sole reason I won't cut mine is because of terrible haircuts past...

The horror...

(Boys) always choose the bowl-cut...
No. Really. The most common haircut I've seen among home-schooled boys are au natural. Be it curly or straight or slightly wavy, the only haircut I've seen on a home-schooled boy is the one his mom makes him get; unless she's a maniac, there are no bowls involved. 

Never leave home, save for the occasional trip to the farmer's market...
My family hardly ever goes to the farmer's market. The more common shoppers there are most likely public-schoolers. And old ladies. Actually, they're all adults, so this one doesn't really count.

Listen only to Christian contemporary and country music...
I know more public-schoolers who listen to country than home-schoolers. Most of my friends don't even like country in the first place. Except Taylor Swift...but let's not go there.
As far as Christian contemporary, that is a popular thing, but it's not 'required' in the home. I listen to Bastille more than Hillsong; I don't prefer most mainstream artists (Miley Cyrus, for one) but if I did it wouldn't make a difference because home-schoolers listen to what they want, same as everyone else.

Live on a farm...
I lived in town next to a gas station for the first three years of my life before we were forced to move into a bigger house due to my mom and dad becoming foster parents - which, by the way, parents of public-schoolers do as well. We now have less than 2 acres and our garden is this piddly little thing that only grows beans and tomatoes. We're really farm-savvy here...

Go hunting when acceptable (to sustain the family for the winter)...
I have said it before, and I'll say it again. My dad is a nutcase when it comes to guns (the machines, not the body parts). And not in the sense that he goes around shooting things, but in the sense he can sit down and talk about guns for aaaaagesssss. He knows his stuff.
Growing up with him, I know a thing or two about hunting, but I haven't ever been on a hunting trip with him. One home-school family I know is crazy about hunting, but as far as all the others I've met, no one really uses hunting as the sole source of sustenance. There is such a thing as a grocery store...and home-schoolers do use it.

Own a woodstove and an icebox...
Before American Girl, I had no idea what an icebox was.
And the only people I know with a woodstove are my aunt and uncle in Ohio.
Basically, home-schoolers use furnaces and freezers - get this - just like everyone else. 

Watch VeggieTales and old Disney films (nothing over PG)...
This is true for many three year olds, but for real. I have watched X-Men, The Avengers, Lord of the Rings, snippets of 300, Mama, The Purge, clips of Silent Hill, The Village, parts of Game of Thrones...I mean those aren't all that scary so much as they are thrilling and graphic but they're definitely not PG.
Many, if not all of my home-schooled friends have watched things without their parents' consent before. ooooooooh noooooo! *gasp* such rebellion!

Never burp or toot (not 'fart') without saying "excuse me" as it is a vulgar act of sin...
In my home, bodily functions (in more appropriate settings) are humorous. Now, if you fart at the table, that's considered unacceptable, but both my dad and my brother burp (quite boisterously, might I add) when the food is exceptionally good, so as annoying as it is, the belches are compliments to the chef. 

That's all I have. If you think of any more, please let me know!
I'm happy to explain any and all misconceptions. ;)

~JK

Thanking Out Loud #9

Fun fact: I wrote this post in half a day, as opposed to three or more.

Brownie points for staying up late[r than normal] just for this?  ;)

[info on the linkup here]

I.  I seem to disappeared from the blog world, haven't I? Ah well, there is always an explanation...

Except for this time. Saying I've been busy with socializing and booked with dates (as if!) would be a lie. I have been busy with schoolwork (i.e. online shopping and Tweeting in between lessons) and I have been booked with trying to ration out the candy I received for my birthday.

That means not eating all the Skittles and M&Ms in one sitting. Self-control is one of the Fruits of the Spirit that I am lacking in.  :p

II.  I went thrift shopping today (Wednesday) and came upon a couple pairs of high-waisted shorts. This excited me immensely because A) the local Goodwill kinda sorta really sucks (unless you're a grandma), so a good find is actually a fantastic find; and B) I've been searching far and wide for a halfway decent pair of shorts, and came upon two! I could put "expert thrift shopper" on my resume.

III.  I have taken up knitting and made a little bunny family thanks to Dodie's knitting tutorial. Little babies are on the way!

a pitiful excuse of a yarn basket...

I feel like a 16 year old granny now.
You'd better believe I'm gonna be the greatest granny you've ever met 'coz I'm practicing already!  ;)

IV.  For my birthday, I was given a bouquet of roses that are arguably the most gorgeous roses I have since laid eyes upon. To preserve such beauties, I have attempted to dry them using hairspray. I found many tutorials, all of which have said something along the lines of "spray the flowers" "hang them upside down" and "wait 296238 weeks for them to dry".

That last step was taken from my own experience. Flowers are not quick driers.

V.   I read somewhere that green tea is good for digestion and metabolism and such bodily functions. Naturally, I decided to buy some and give it a try. The verdict:  they aren't kidding when they promise the "earthy taste" of this tea. >.<  I think my digestion is fine enough without torturing myself, thanks. I'm forever sticking with coffee.

VI.  On a more exuberant note: summer church camp is coming up! I've only been once, but that was before I had "real" friends and knew how to handle myself when certain situations arose -such as being left alone in the cafeteria... 

But anyway. That was my in-between-teenage-and-adolescence stage, when I couldn't decide whether I was depressed or lonely or happy or what.

VII.  As I've started driving (whoop!) I have realized something: the rules of the road are much more specific than they're let on. My parents don't sit at stop lights and mutter "okay, do I have the right of way or...?" so when I jumped into this I thought it'd be a little bit simpler.

Trust me when I tell you this: people do not appreciate it when you pull out in front of them. Not at all.

VIII.  Today's episode of Odd Addictions iiiiiiiis...

Mints!

Believe it or not, I think I may be a little bit addicted to peppermints. Funny story: I choked on one the first day I ever tried them.
These particular mints are bigger than the "average" mint, so when one of them decided to slip its way down the back of my throat, I spent an hour trying to swallow that dang thing. Please, do not ever swallow a larger-than-normal mint. I can promise you, unless you have an unrealistically enormous esophagus, the pain is excruciating and the minty freshness you may consequently acquire is not worth it. 

IX.  I may have mentioned my love of banana bread some time ago. I made the brilliant decision to bake another loaf - more of an experimental one this time - without a few ingredients, namely chocolate chips.

Worst. decision. ever.

Banana bread is so dull and lifeless without something in there, albeit walnuts or peanut chips or chocolate chunks. There has to be something other than bananas and flour, which is pretty much all you can taste in this most recent batch. 

Note to self: chocolate is never an option.

X.  Speaking of chocolate:

This stuff is ah.mazing. Note how I have written my name in bold, black marker; this is because no one besides myself is allowed to indulge in this. I used to mix Nutella and peanut butter and eat it with all the gluttony a child of my age could possess. Peanut Butter & Co. does an amazing job balancing the chocolate and the peanut butter; it's not overly sweet but it's not overly salty. It's incredible with pretzels.


So tell me...
Have you ever tried green tea? Your thoughts if you have?
What are the best ingredients to add in banana bread?

Join the linkup!

~JK