For the past week and a half, I have been trying to get a job.
I know, I know - fifteen is not the standard for most places. At fifteen, you aren't legally permitted to do hardly anything seemingly "dangerous", which cancels out most things. I knew a girl who wasn't even allowed to cut a banana for a banana split, just because she wasn't yet 16.
I could go on and on about how much I hate these laws. Frankly, I'm in more danger at home sitting at my computer than I am holding a paring knife.
As you can imagine, if you've ever tried finding a job, it's really disappointing when you don't get a call from someone you've applied to work for. There's a lot of anxiety waiting by the phone for days, not eating, not sleeping; just waiting...
Okay, I haven't been that anxious. But in truth, I am losing my ambition and starting to fall into this fog in which little voices whisper "no one wants you", "you'll never get hired", "you're unfit for this job".
I would much rather be turned down after an interview than be ignored and left in waiting for months on end, weighing out my possibilities. Does no one want me? Will I really never get hired? Am I really unfit for this?
I'm beginning to believe that a fifteen-year-old like me - average grades and no experience to speak of - could get a job in a town of 4,000 more eligible individuals.
That is why I have been doing so much baking lately. My mom has had to tell me to stop because we are overrun with brownies, cupcakes, and other goods. Being withheld from my ability to bake, I went into a short stage of desperation because my food processor broke and all of the no-bake bars and balls I had in my baking queue required almond/peanut/cashew butter.
I was so desperate, in fact, that I buckled down and used store bought peanut butter that I had never tried before, to make homemade Reese's.
(recipe to follow soon)
I asked my mom if I was abnormal. Turns out, cooking and cleaning as a stress reliever is relatively common. That doesn't mean I'm not abnormal, but I'm not completely whacked.
And I'm still in need of some baking-related therapy here. I've got one more application to turn in before I'm sunk (i.e. I'm going to have to apply at some places that really don't appeal to me because I'm desperate).
That's my excuse for everything. I'm a desperate child with no hope of survival in this mad world of no's.
~JK