Like a Home-Schooler

If you've lived longer than half a year, you may have heard some stereotypes about the "average home-schooled kid." I am one of these, and I am going to enlighten you on what things we (I) do and don't do...

[source: Tumblr]

To be like a home-schooler, you must...

Wear hand-me-downs...

Look, the only reason I buy from Goodwill is because it takes me ten minutes to get to the thrift store, as opposed to an hour and a half to get to a Forever 21. If you search long and hard enough, you'll find some decent stuff. 

I did wear hand-me-downs when I was younger, but I even knew public-schoolers who did that.

Speak intelligibly...

I would be lying terribly if I said I never used text-talk. Unfortunately, Facebook allows you to read over your old messages...dear lord, I was a cripplingly embarrassing child.

Also, I do not sit and read Shakespeare in my free time. I use an online thesaurus to find large words for essays and research reports; I have no idea what the meanings of most words in the dictionary are.

Be fully devoted to your schoolwork...

This one in partially true. I spend a lot of time doing my schoolwork, but that isn't because my parents glare ominously at me until I'm finished. I spend more time reading Tweets and watching YouTube vlogs throughout the day than I spend on school.

Have an unrealistic curfew...

I don't even have a curfew.

Honestly, my parents haven't ever given me a set time that I need to be home from a friend's house or from going out to dinner. I'm not exactly known for being rebellious, which plays a part in the looseness of the rules.

Play vintage board games...

I admit, growing up, we had a lot of board games. Now we have about four and we never play them. The closest we get to a 'family game night' is playing a round of Go Fish before forfeiting because we bore each other to death.

Go to church every day...

I go to church once a week; twice a week, maximum. I'm not uber-religious. I won't condemn you for being homosexual or pregnant before marriage. I love God, and I recognize that loving Him means loving others, not just spending hours upon hours in a building listening to a bald guy preach. 

(side note: our pastor is actually bald, I wasn't just saying that...)

Eat 100% healthy...

Please. If this was an actual 'rule,' I would never have been 150 pounds at 12 years old. Lots of home-schooled families eat healthily and hardly ever get fast food or frozen pizzas, but I cannot go a day without treating myself to something sweet. I eat bread like nothing else. I live on cappuccinos and sweet tea. I am not, nor will I ever be, a health freak.

Live at your grandma's house...

I have only spent a maximum of two days at my grandma's house. That's due to a mild case of separation anxiety that I have had since forever; and we live four hours away, so there's that road block...

Have no social life...

The thing is: home-schoolers have to actively seek out social opportunities. Public-schoolers are immediately thrust into social opportunities multiple times a day; there's very little effort there. If you see a home-schooler engaging in comfortable conversation with at least one other person, you can accurately assume that they were making an effort. That says more than two public-schoolers chatting over pot.  

Have designated TV/computer time...

When I was younger, this was a thing. Now, I spend so much time on the Internet it's literally like a second home. 

Which is not good for anyone; do not follow my example!

Get no less than a B+...

I have a C average in Algebra, and all of my other subjects are a B or higher; again, my success is not because of my parents' pressure, it's because of my own effort. I take notes, I [try to] focus and concentrate on each lesson; not because my parents have threatened to kick me out of the house, but because I genuinely want to succeed academically. 

Go to a Christian college...

This is a possibility, but it isn't a requirement. If I was accepted into a non-Christian college, my parents would still support me. Other families have other expectations, but for me it isn't even mandatory that I go to college in the first place. 

Ride a bike instead of a car...

Lols. 

I have previously considered riding my bike everywhere, but let's be honest: me + a bike on the freeway = certain and undeniable disaster. 

Also me + a car on the freeway = equally certain disaster, but I'm working on it.

Have an immediate family consisting of no less than six children...

I suffer with three siblings. I could never in my life ever handle more. Two of my best friends come from a family of ten kids, and I know another family with eleven, but just because they are (read: were) home-schooled isn't the sole reason for a large family. At least, I'm fairly certain it's not...

Join 12 different 4-H clubs...

I barely survived two.

Actually participate in 4-H...

One year was one too many for me. I sucked, end of story.
Most of my home-schooled friends participate in 4-H, but the amount of public-schoolers who do as well significantly outweighs the others. 

Memorize the anthem of all seven continents...

I barely have the national anthem memorized, let alone any others! I don't know anyone who knows the anthem of another country, public- or home-schooled!

Participate in a Bible study led by your parents...

Bible study, yes. Parents...no. We used to have home groups for church, and whenever my parents led, it was arguably the most awkward situation of my life.

Never wear pants shorter than above the knee...

Remember when I said I bought high-waisted shorts? Those aren't called shorts for nothing...

Never wear a bikini...

Personally, I'm not comfortable in a bikini; I do, however, wear one for tanning in the comforts of my own backyard where no one can see me. I won't lay out if the neighbors are out, but that's only because of my low self-esteem. If I was more comfortable in my own skin, I would most probably be one of those girls flaunting themselves wherever they go. 

Maybe not that severely, but...still.

Sew your name into your underwear...

I saw that on an iCarly episode when I was 12-ish. Before then, I had never heard of such a thing. 

Learn how to shoot a rifle (in case the dinosaurs make a grand reappearance)...

My dad would vouch for this (except the dinosaurs part). He could tell you anything and everything about handguns and rifles and such machinery, and the only reason I have agreed to learn is because I have been scared into paranoia of someone, someday breaking into my home. I would rather use bear spray, but should the situation arise, I do have knowledge enough to defend myself.

Be incredibly organized...

I am an organized person, but I don't credit that to the home-schooling. I have met so many incredibly unorganized home-schoolers, you can't really believe we're all spic and span.

Be disciplined until your butt is calloused...
This is true for many people. Especially my brothers. I, on the other hand, was one of those little girls that every parent would kill for (not to brag or anything); I always wanted to please my parents and would openly weep if I knew I had made them upset with me. I could never tell a lie and I pretty much never got spanked. 

Be a perfect poster child in every way...
Now c'mon, despite what I said just now, there is no way that anyone on this earth could ever be a perfect poster child. You have no idea how needy (read: 'wanty') I am! I could give you a nice long, detailed list of all the reasons why I am not a perfect daughter. I'm more like Ariel, the independent rebel. More or less.

Only host a birthday party for your first, tenth, and sixteenth birthday...
This rule only came about when my younger siblings came around. After they were adopted, my parents realized that they would never be able to cope with four birthday parties every year until their children reached adulthood, so they formulated the "rule," which has since been broken, that my brothers and sister and I are only allowed four birthday parties a year. I'm certain this rule wouldn't change even if we were public-schooled.

(Girls) never cut your hair...
The sole reason I won't cut mine is because of terrible haircuts past...

The horror...

(Boys) always choose the bowl-cut...
No. Really. The most common haircut I've seen among home-schooled boys are au natural. Be it curly or straight or slightly wavy, the only haircut I've seen on a home-schooled boy is the one his mom makes him get; unless she's a maniac, there are no bowls involved. 

Never leave home, save for the occasional trip to the farmer's market...
My family hardly ever goes to the farmer's market. The more common shoppers there are most likely public-schoolers. And old ladies. Actually, they're all adults, so this one doesn't really count.

Listen only to Christian contemporary and country music...
I know more public-schoolers who listen to country than home-schoolers. Most of my friends don't even like country in the first place. Except Taylor Swift...but let's not go there.
As far as Christian contemporary, that is a popular thing, but it's not 'required' in the home. I listen to Bastille more than Hillsong; I don't prefer most mainstream artists (Miley Cyrus, for one) but if I did it wouldn't make a difference because home-schoolers listen to what they want, same as everyone else.

Live on a farm...
I lived in town next to a gas station for the first three years of my life before we were forced to move into a bigger house due to my mom and dad becoming foster parents - which, by the way, parents of public-schoolers do as well. We now have less than 2 acres and our garden is this piddly little thing that only grows beans and tomatoes. We're really farm-savvy here...

Go hunting when acceptable (to sustain the family for the winter)...
I have said it before, and I'll say it again. My dad is a nutcase when it comes to guns (the machines, not the body parts). And not in the sense that he goes around shooting things, but in the sense he can sit down and talk about guns for aaaaagesssss. He knows his stuff.
Growing up with him, I know a thing or two about hunting, but I haven't ever been on a hunting trip with him. One home-school family I know is crazy about hunting, but as far as all the others I've met, no one really uses hunting as the sole source of sustenance. There is such a thing as a grocery store...and home-schoolers do use it.

Own a woodstove and an icebox...
Before American Girl, I had no idea what an icebox was.
And the only people I know with a woodstove are my aunt and uncle in Ohio.
Basically, home-schoolers use furnaces and freezers - get this - just like everyone else. 

Watch VeggieTales and old Disney films (nothing over PG)...
This is true for many three year olds, but for real. I have watched X-Men, The Avengers, Lord of the Rings, snippets of 300, Mama, The Purge, clips of Silent Hill, The Village, parts of Game of Thrones...I mean those aren't all that scary so much as they are thrilling and graphic but they're definitely not PG.
Many, if not all of my home-schooled friends have watched things without their parents' consent before. ooooooooh noooooo! *gasp* such rebellion!

Never burp or toot (not 'fart') without saying "excuse me" as it is a vulgar act of sin...
In my home, bodily functions (in more appropriate settings) are humorous. Now, if you fart at the table, that's considered unacceptable, but both my dad and my brother burp (quite boisterously, might I add) when the food is exceptionally good, so as annoying as it is, the belches are compliments to the chef. 

That's all I have. If you think of any more, please let me know!
I'm happy to explain any and all misconceptions. ;)

~JK